your just jealous because we act like retards in public but people still love us

You Should Be a Doctor

You are practical, sharp, and very intuitive. Optimistic and energetic, you are a problem solver who doesn't get discouraged easily. You are also quite compassionate and caring. You make people feel hopeful. You're highly adaptable and capable. You do well with almost any curve ball life throws at you. You do best when you: - Are always learning new subjects - Use your knowledge to solve problems You would also be a good therapist or detective.

You're a LiveJournal Junkie!

Well, maybe you don't live or die for LiveJournal, but it's what gets you up in the morning. Guilty of reloading your friends page over and over throughout the day? Thought so. Quick, get some fresh air - before you become a full fledged addict!

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitude, then too bad. So sad.

Title: Things Ianto Jones Is No Longer Allowed To Do.
Author: Moi messedupinside9
Pairings/Characters: Ianto!Centric, Mentions: Jack, The Doctor, Director Hartman
Summary: Ianto wasn't always so quiet...
Warnings: none that i know of although i'd like to thank tanarian for the inspiration i got from your story things ianto jones is no longer aloud to do but is you would like me to delete then i will.
Spoilers: Belongs to RTD And The BBC
Rating: Pg-13 i think

1. I am NOT aloud to go to secondary schools around london and recruit teenagers as my evil minions.

2. I am NOT aloud to leave said teenagers in charge while i pop out for a cup of coffee.

3. I am NOT to give said coffee to said teenagers on purpose because it makes them hyper.

4. I am NOT to give coffee to teenagers (evil minions) by ACCIDENT.

5. I am NOT aloud to state in my defence that the teenagers do a better job than the adults running torchwood.

6. I am NOT aloud to explain MY MINIONS changeing Director Hartman into a teddy bear as "Harmless fun".

7. I can NOT pull The Teddy Bear (Director Hartman's) head off when it keeps saying " I Wuv You".

8. I can NOT call glueing the teddy bear back together with superglue a perminant solution.

9. I am NOT aloud to bet on how long it will take for the downfall of Torchwood One.

10. I am NOT aloud to collect my winnings on said bet.

11. I am NOT aloud to bitch about Director Hartman behind her back.

12. I am NOT aloud to bitch about Director Hartman to her face.

13. I am NOT aloud to stick post-it notes on Diretor Hartman Saying things like "Does my bum look big in this?", "Kick Me", "I look like that women off eastenders." Etc.

14. Just because rule 13 does not say i can't cover Director Hartman completly in post-it notes does NOT mean i can.

15. I am NOT aloud to respond to all questions put to me with, "Why?"

16. When asked why i did something a reasonable explanation is required NOT "Because i felt like it."

17. I am NOT to put my feet on the table in a meeting and claim it's okay because they do it to mine.

18. When someone rudely asks if i can file something for them my response is NOT "I'll file it where the sun don't shine" and claim i meant the archives.

19. I am NOT to threaten people if they don't get out of the archives.

20. I am NOT aloud to just not threaten them with a warning and just kick them straight out, literally.

21. No matter how many times i say " If Jack Harkness can do it why can't I?" doesn't mean i should be aloud to run a torchwood branch.

22. I am NOT aloud to ring exterminators and point to the meeting room with my superiors in and say "The pests are in there"

23. I am NOT aloud to point a defabricator at the good looking women in Torchwood.

24. The same rule applies to men.

25. I am NOT aloud to point the defabricator at Director Hartman and claim i haven't done anything wrong because she's not good looking.

26. I am NOT aloud to accept any job offered by a certain Captain Jack Harkness.

27. I am NOT aloud to write "Invasion" in Director Hartman's diary.

28. The precedure for the world ending is NOT "Stick your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye."

29. I am NOT aloud to test Torchwood Security by asking aliens if they would like to invade and say "that i was doing them a favor."

30. I am NOT aloud to write to my "PenPal" The other side of the rift.

31. Do NOT invite Jack Harkness to an orgy

32. Do NOT have an orgy of any kind.

33. Dress down day does NOT imply you should come to work naked.

34. Jesus is NOT a Timelord just because he came back to life.

35. When my superiors tell me to catch The Doctor This does NOT mean i should invite him back to my place for a coffee

36. Or Tea.

37. When I am bored it does NOT give me permission to spike the coffee and offer it to the new recruits

38. I am not to handcuff someone who annoys me to a radiator.

39. Someone Includes my superiors.

40. NOT aloud to Handcuff people to any objects.

41. Including Other people.

42. When I am ordered to do something my response should NOT resemble anything like "say pretty please with sprinkles on top."

43. I am NOT aloud to make my opinion known in my meetings

44. Or meetings i'm NOT invited to.

45. I can NOT claim that with the above rule Torchwood is breaching my human rights and declare " I'm Welsh, I demand freedom of speech."

46. I am DEFINATLY NOT aloud to point the defabricator at myself during a meeting and Captain Jack Harkness.

47. Even If he says he doesn't mind.

48. If the other people look like they feel awkward do not assume they feel left out and include them in your nakedness.

49. You are NOT aloud to start a mutany just because you are bored.

50. Please DO NOT Encourage Captain Jack Harkness.

Hope You Like It.
Please Leave A Comment. =)



 

Title: What About A...?
Author: messedupinside9
Pairings/Characters: jack/ianto
Summary: Jack Just can't ever have enough.
Warnings: none
Spoilers: None unless you've never seen torchwood then shame on you!
Disclaimer: i donot and never shall own torchwood. It belongs to the bbc and RTD.

Living Innuendo: Yan?

Jones, Ianto Jones: Yes Jack?

Living Innuendo: Can we get a dog?

Jones, Ianto Jones: No

Living Innuendo: Why not?

Jones, Ianto Jones: Because we already have a dinosaur.

Living Innuendo: Can we get another dinosaur for myfanny to play with?

Jones, Ianto Jones: 1) You can't just go to a pet store and buy a dinosaur. 2) They would'nt play they'd rip
eachother to shreds and guessed who'd end up cleaning it up.

Living Innuendo: If that happens i'll clean it up.

Jones, Ianto Jones: Still not happening.

Living Innuendo: Fine, what about a...

Jones, Ianto Jones: You can have a mouse!

Living Innuendo: No way! I hate mice!

Jones, Ianto Jones: Well if you don't shut up i'll set Owen's mice on you.

Living Innuendo: Owen has lab rats.

Jones, Ianto Jones: do you like rats?

Living Innuendo: No.

Jones, Ianto Jones: Then it doesn't matter if there mice or rats you'll still run away screaming like a girl.

Living Innuendo: Will not!

Jones, Ianto Jones: Oh look theres a mouse.

Living Innuendo: Bye.

Jones, Ianto Jones: Thats what i thought. Bye Jack.

Living Innuendo: Shes not a dinosaur shes a pteradon. ha.

Jones, Ianto Jones: MOUSE!

Living Innuendo has logges off.


Well Thats it Hope you liked it! Please leave a comment.

Title: Dentist Phobia
Author: messedupiniside9
Pairing/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Tosh
Summary: Ianto really hates the dentist.
Warnings: None Really Just some attempts at comedy.
Spoilers: None
Disclaimers: I do not and never shall own torchwood, it belongs to the BBC.

Jones, Ianto Jones: Jack?

Living Innuedo: Yes my gorgeous welshman?

Jones, Ianto Jones: Do we have any scotch?

Living Innuedo: Yan, you do know it's 10AM right?

Jones, Ianto Jones: Yes Jack, i know everything. Everything includes the time.

Living Innuedo: Well then don't you think it's a bit early to start drinking?

Jones, Ianto Jones: No... Are you saying i can't handle my drink?!!

Living Innuedo: No i...

Jones, Ianto Jones: Are you questioning my Welsh heritage?!!

Living Innuedo: Yan, are you drunk?

Jones, Ianto Jones: I can't be, because i've run out of drink.

Living Innuedo: Yan, you have a whole bottle of vodka and a six pack of beer.

Jones, Ianto Jones: Not anymore.

Living Innuedo: Where are you?

Jones, Ianto Jones: Um....

A loud bang comes from downstairs.
Jack looks down from his office window and sees Ianto Passed out on the floor.

Living Innuedo has logged off.

" Why does he have to be so FUCKING scared of the dentist. " Jack says to himself.
The cog door rolls open and in walks Tosh, Seeing Ianto she just says " Dentist. "
All Jack can do is nod.
" Why does he have to do this every year. " Jack sighs.
" Six months " Tosh corrects.
" well doesn't time just fly by when your having fun." Says Jack
" Or passed out " Tosh says.

Well Thats It hope people liked it. Please Leave a comment!

This is my drawing of Ianto from torchwood the quality of the pictures are rubbish or i might just be really bad at art  but i thoguht i'd post it anyway.

This is a close up of his face

This is a further back shot


Sorry again for the rubbish quality.

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks.

taken from </a></font></b></a>kerri240879 and re-posted because this needs to get out there.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it and you don't have to be gay to do so. I'm not, but I will stand up against anyone who has a problem with homosexuality.

Living Sexual Innuedo logged in.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Hey.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Jack, what do you want?
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Who said I wanted something. *pouts*
Jones Ianto Jones says: I repeat, what do you want Jack?
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
Jones Ianto Jones says: The short answer.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: But the lng answer is so mch beta.
Jones Ianto Jones says: What did you say? Oh I’m sorry. For a moment there I thought I was talking to someone with at least half a brain.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: That hurt.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Yeah, but it made me feel better. So what did you actually say?
Living Sexual Innuedo says: I’m not going to tell you now. *stomps foot*
Jones Ianto Jones says: Okay.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: If you must know!! I said but the long answer is so much better.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Why is it I get the feeling that your long answer isn’t going to be appropriate?
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Like I’d ever do anything of the sort.
Jones Ianto Jones says: You won’t if you know what’s good for you.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Was that a threat?
Jones Ianto Jones says: No, it was a promise.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Ooh, do you hear that. I’m on a promise.
Death says: Shut up jack! And Ianto why the fuck did you change my name to death I’m only dead. There is a difference.
Jones Ianto Jones says: There isn’t much difference between the living you and the dead you really, always so dull, and anyway it’s not like “I’m not death, I’m just dead.” Is something you hear in every conversation, and it’s only fair you changed mine. = P
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Honestly Ianto. I thought you’d be a little more inventive, maybe a cane…
Jones Ianto Jones and Death say: Shut up Jack!
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Alright children calm down.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Owen, I’ve just had an idea.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Now what did I tell you about how thinking is dangerous.
Jones Ianto Jones says: You won’t be laughing in a minute.
Death says: Ok, if this is just annoying jack I’m in, but if this is one of your sick sex games I am so out!
Living Sexual Innuedo says: You’re really starting to worry me now.
Jones Ianto Jones says: That was the whole idea.

_ _ _

Death says: Tea-boy, that’s the best idea you’ve had all day.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: What did he say?
Jones Ianto Jones says: I thought I told you not to call me that.
Captain Cock Up says: Owen! Why did you change my name? You know I don’t know how to change it back. Don’t make me use my own personal evil genius.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Hey, this evil genius is busy. Find your own.
Captain Cock Up says: What do you mean busy?
Jones Ianto Jones says: Plotting against you.
Captain Cock Up says: What have you come up with?
Jones Ianto Jones says: Has that ever worked?
Captain Cock Up says: No, but it was worth a shot.
Jones Ianto Jones says: You’re getting worse in your old age.
Captain Cock Up says: So are you. You’ve already used the age insult.

_ _ _

Jones Ianto Jones says: I’m going. I actually have work to do.
Captain Cock Up says: Ianto wait!
Jones Ianto Jones says: Yes?
Captain Cock Up says: Can I have a kiss goodbye?
Jones Ianto Jones says: Unless you’ve gone completely insane. Which is likely. You may have realized were not in the same room.
Captain Cock Up says: Can’t you walk to my office?
Jones Ianto Jones says: Well….
Captain Cock Up says: I have cookies.
Jones Ianto Jones says: You spend too much time on the internet.
Jones Ianto Jones says: What sort of cookies?
Captain Cock Up says: Ok. So I don’t have cookies.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Is this going to end up being more than just a kiss?
Captain Cock Up says: Probably. I…
Death says: I’m still here you know.
Jones Ianto Jones says: If you don’t like it why are you still listening?
Captain Cock Up says: he’s got you there.
Death has logged out.
Captain Cock Up says: Ha! That shut him up. *LMAO*
Jones Ianto Jones says: Ok, I am cutting your internet connection.
Captain Cock Up says: You coming?
Jones Ianto Jones says: Hopefully yeah.
Captain Cock Up says: Hey! That’s my line.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Yeah. But it suits me so much better.
Jones Ianto Jones has logged out.
Captain Cock Up says: Oh, and Tosh.
Warped on the Inside says: How did you know?
Captain Cock Up says: CCTV
Warped on the Inside says: Yes Jack?
Captain Cock Up says: Can you be my evil genius?
Warped on the Inside says: You wish. Anyway I’m on Iantos side.
Warped on the Inside has logged out.
Captain Cock Up says: Why is everyone else on Iantos side? Oh yes I forgot., he looks good in a suit.
Captain Cock Up has logged out.
Jones Ianto Jones says: Yes I do.
Jones Ianto Jones had logged out.  

It had been a difficult day in the hub. The main reason may have been the fact that right in the middle of him and Ianto having a wonderful kiss, the rift alarm went off. It turns out that it was a plant from a planet called "Earth 2" very original name i think, to myself. The plant didn't have a name but it should be called "veryannoyingplantthatmakespeoplesneezeandturnsupattheworstmoments" which is actually apropriate, and anyway i think its catchy. Mainly because i am now stuck in bed sneezing every second and Ianto isnt even here with me.

My thoughts are quickly interupted by Ianto walking into the bedroom, but Ianto can obviously tell im not asleep i think the major give away was that my eyes were wide open and i jumped and made a very girly scream which i am in no doubt going to be teased about for atleast a week when he walked in and suddenly closed my eyes. "Jack, i know your not asleep, but if you want me to go and not carry on from where we left of earlier..." "I didnt say that."I shout finally realising that if Ianto already knew i was awake why was i still laying very still with my eyes closed. " You want me to stay then?" Ianto said teasing Me. "Hmm, on the one hand gorgeous welshman in the "cute suit", on the other stay here and feel old" I say sarcasticly. "you are old." Ianto butted in. "Yeah, thanks for that." I exclaim sarcasticly. "Come here and make it up to me." Ianto walks over to the bed and settled next to me."You got any advice on how to stop me sneezing long enough so i can kiss you?" I ask. "I'm not good at advice, can i interest you in a sarcastic comment?" Ianto teased. "No thanks." I reply honestly. "Thats a shame it might actually give you something funny to say to other people." Ianto joked. "Are you trying to say that my sexual innuedos aren't funny?" I ask."There something but i dont think the word im looking for is funny." Ianto teased. "Brat." I state. "I learnt from the best." Ianto shot back in record time. I let out a low noise that sounds like a growl. "Jack you act like such a child sometimes." Ianto teases. "DO NOT!!" I argue sulkily. "Do to" Ianto retorts, still somehow managing to sound like an adult. I give up but stomp my feet just to spite him. "Oh my god." It's finally dawned on him. "I'm turning into you!" He exclaims. "And thats a bad thing, look at me who would'nt want to be me." I say, cheeky grin on my face. suddenly he hits me."OW! What was that for!" I complain staring at Ianto. "Well nothing else helped."

THE NEXT DAY AT WORK...
Living Sexual Innuedo has logged in.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Hey! How you doing?
Tea-Boy says: 1. Don't ever say that again, you sound like joey from friends. 2. Why ask, i know your watching me. 3. Do you know how i can change my name back from Tea-Boy Owen changed it.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: How did you know i was watching you? I thought i was subtle.
Tea-boy says: 1. Jack, you are many things, but subtle is not one of them. 2. You just admitted it.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Thats not fair, you tricked me.
Tea-Boy says: Doesn't take much.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Your to smart for your own good.
Tea-Boy says: Your never to smart for your own good, you are just not smart enough to realise that in the first place.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: i'll have you know i am very smart. You can look at my GCSE's.
Tea-Boy says: 1. Fakes don't count 2. They don't have GCSE's in the 51st century.
Living Sexual Innuedo says: They might do.
Tea-Boy says: Do they?
Living Sexual Innuedo says: Well no, but the point still stands.
Tea-Boy says: And what point is that exactly?
Living Sexual Innuedo says:.... I forgot, your meant to be the smart one figure it out.
Tea-Boy says: I would of figured it out ages ago if you actually had a point, Which you dont.
Tea-Boy has logged out.

it's changing to spring,
new things all around.
like a new-born baby,
lots of different sounds.

it's changing to summer,
the sun is shineing bright.
like a small child,
filled with delight.

it's changing to autumn,
the leaves are falling down.
like a woman of mature years,
when her hairs more grey than brown.

winter is now apon us,
and snow is in the air.
as i sit in the old folks home,
my lucide thoughts are rare. 

im standing here,
it's cold in my heart.
on this long summers day,
just because we're apart.

i miss you,
nobody understands.
we'll walk down this road together,
holding hands.

nobody can hurt us,
together we are strong.
don't care what people think,
cause what they say is wrong.

something has changed,
our love is fading.
i have to turn away,
is our love worth saving?

i'v got to leave,
theres nothing left for me now.
im gunna grow stronger,
although i don't know how.

i wish i was invisible
walking through the shadows
nobody stareing at me
or looking at me disaproavingly

i wish i was pretty
people would stop in there tracks
at the sight of me 
instead they stop to laugh at me

i wish i was wiser
not turning my someone into my everything
cause now that he is gone 
i have nothing.

you doubt you mean anything
to someone so well liked
so you just hide away
keeping out of sight.

so many qualities
for once a perfect man
it is just my luck
that he is not my man

we are good friends
that is all we shall be
but when he turns and looks at me
i think differently

sometimes i just wish
that he would set me straight
tell me if i had a chance
not just leave me to wait

people ask what's wrong?
i say nothing 
then i turn round
and whisper 
everything

You've broken my heart,
not for the first time,
and it wont be the last.
But sometimes i pray,
it wont be as bad as past.

At last,
i get an answer.
Not one that i regret,
but none the same,
one i would rather,
forget.

The future lays before me,
but not sharing it with you.
It makes me feel so sad,
but it's all that i can do.